The Dirt on That Dirty Book for Moms

BY  |  Monday, Mar 12, 2012 11:30am  |  COMMENTS (12)

By now you’ve heard about 50 Shades of Grey, the steamy, smutty Bondage-Domination-Sadism-Masochism (BDSM) book that the NY Times described as “Mommy porn,” that flew off Watchung Booksellers’ shelves.

But here’s what you may not know: The book started out as a Twilight fan-fiction. Yes, Mr. Grey is actually a bad-ass version of Edward Cullen. Ana is Bella with an erotic update. And the original title of this fine piece of literature was Master of the Universe.

Master of the Universe came out chapter by chapter a few years ago on fanfiction.net. (Poof! Now it’s gone). Author E.L. James changed the title and the character names when she released her cheap (I am referring to the price) e-book trilogy on Amazon. James was surely thinking, Bye, bye bangin’ Edward and please don’t sue me Stephenie Meyer. Next, a small British publishing house released 50 Shades of Grey paperbacks which are out of stock almost everywhere. And soon, Knopf (a high-brow house–cough, cough) will release 750,000 hard copies.

I got the scoop from a trusted source who read Masters online. She’s a mother of two who likes to garden. Oh, she also happens to be an Episcopal priest. “The book is very explicit in describing sex,” she said. “I don’t personally practice BDSM–I mean, I don’t have an extra room to set it up.”

Does this mommy porn make your curious? Come on, take our poll. We promise to be discreet.

12 Comments

  1. POSTED BY walleroo  |  March 12, 2012 @ 12:26 pm

    Knopf (a high-brow house–cough, cough)

    Funny!

    She’s a mother of two who likes to garden. Oh, she also happens to be an Episcopal priest.

    I didn’t know Episcopalians were this progressive. Maybe I’ll start attending her mass (the evening one).

    “I don’t personally practice BDSM–I mean, I don’t have an extra room to set it up.”

    Hilarious! Her sense of humor is almost as good as Holly’s.

  2. POSTED BY walleroo  |  March 12, 2012 @ 12:33 pm

    Maybe I’ll set up some chains and harnesses in that extra crawlspace under Liz’s porch, where I know keep back issues of National Geographic. Liz, you are hereby on notice.

  3. POSTED BY cathar  |  March 12, 2012 @ 1:03 pm

    2 questions:
    How long will the Baristas try to keep kicking this parti9cular dead horse? It’s worth two posts so far? On the “Kids” section? Is an examination of John Rechy’s relevance to bedtime stories next?

    And is there anything walleroo will not post multiple times on? While I admire his consistent strain of amiability, it’s almost enough to make one want to flog HIM!

  4. POSTED BY cathar  |  March 12, 2012 @ 1:05 pm

    Also, does anything ever comparably fly off the Montclair Book Center’s shelves? It’s a heck of a lot larger than Watchung Booksellers, after all, but somehow never gets mentioned on Baristanet. Can you tell me why, walleroo?

  5. POSTED BY jerseygurl  |  March 12, 2012 @ 1:07 pm

    Funny. I just started reading it and I don’t think there’s a vampire in here?

  6. POSTED BY Kristen Kemp  |  March 12, 2012 @ 1:30 pm

    Come on. A mom who is also a priest commenting favorably on a BDSM book? Now that’s a Barista Kids story.

    jerseygurl: You bring up an excellent point I should have made in the article. 50 Shades of Grey seems to use bondage and domination as metaphors for fangs and blood.

  7. POSTED BY hrhppg  |  March 12, 2012 @ 1:49 pm

    This book is flying off the shelves in a town that resorted to the fire marshal chasing Dressing for Pleasure out of town….

    for shame.

  8. POSTED BY Kristin  |  March 12, 2012 @ 2:10 pm

    I just don’t understand why everyone is so titillated by this book. Didn’t anyone else read Harold Robbins on their friends’ parents’ bookshelves? And Rihanna just had a song all about S&M and how she likes the smell of it. In my day, it was Depeche Mode singing *Master and Servant.*

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsvfofcIE1Q

    But really, if it makes this much excitement bubble forth in my peers, maybe I’ll change my name to K.D. Wallop and write my own BDSM novella based on *The Hunger Games.* Of course, that means I have to read those books first.

  9. POSTED BY jerseygurl  |  March 12, 2012 @ 3:14 pm

    Speaking of Vampires and soft porn, if you want steamy, you may want to read some of Anne Rice’s books written under her pseudonym A.N. Roquelaure. As Anne Rice, she wrote the Interview with a Vampire series of novels. As A.N. Roquelaure, it’s a bit more pornographic.

  10. POSTED BY raeven  |  March 12, 2012 @ 5:24 pm

    The fact that it started out as fan fiction for perhaps the worst piece of YA crap I have read in a while is all I need to know.
    Tried reading one of Anne Rice’s Sleeping Beauty books once, but it was just so cringeworthy, I couldn’t get even halfway through.

  11. POSTED BY walleroo  |  March 12, 2012 @ 8:55 pm

    And is there anything walleroo will not post multiple times on?

    Especially smut!

    Can you tell me why, walleroo?

    Why certainly, cathar. Just sit down here on Uncle Walleroo’s knee and he’ll tell you the story of a charismatic and hard-working woman named Margot who started a bookstore…

  12. POSTED BY walleroo  |  March 12, 2012 @ 8:59 pm

    But really, if it makes this much excitement bubble forth in my peers, maybe I’ll change my name to K.D. Wallop and write my own BDSM novella based on *The Hunger Games.* Of course, that means I have to read those books first.

    Years ago I had a friend who was really smart and talented and well educated and kind of a mentor to me. He confided one day that he thought Susan Collins was one of the best writers he’d ever read. So I got one of her books, I can’t remember which, dove into it and lost interest by about page 15.

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